In detail

The emotional spouse, an obstacle to finding a partner

The emotional spouse, an obstacle to finding a partner



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What is an emotional spouse?

The emotional spouse is a hidden partner in the unconscious mind that supplants the functions of a spouse, in accordance with the established "man-woman union" model, without being in the physical world. The person masks his marital emotional needs with this phenomenon, in appearance he is "satisfied"; nevertheless, towards its interior it is imprisoned of the dissatisfaction and frustrated, sinking to the drift in seas of bitterness and impotence.

The existence of the emotional spouse is the main obstacle to establishing a stable relationship and building a partner; It is almost and sometimes impossible for another person to conquer and appropriate the place of husband or wife of someone who presents the phenomenon. The emotional spouse takes more or less power, depending on the degree of attachment or obsession for it, if it is high, the greater the difficulty in forming a stable and functional marital relationship

Remember that Carl Jung expresses that when an individual acquires adulthood, he seeks to project, if he is a man, “the anima” in the other women, and if he is a woman, “the animus” in the other men; which represents the foundation for the formation of the emotional spouse with one of the parents. When the person has become detached from their parents and can be identified as an independent being physically and emotionally, it is allowed to feel the indispensable "emptiness" that leads them to find their sexual antagonism, develop marital life and Build Couple to obtain Integrity. However, given the high degree of contamination of the natural process, the individual may be trapped in the infantile way of supplying it - from their parents or their representation; especially when he has not received what he requires and presents great demands of the opposite energy (animus or anima), giving rise to the figure of the emotional spouse, with one of the parents.

How is the hidden or emotional spouse formed with one of the parents?

The consubstantial way of a child to satisfy Integrity is from his parents; They are bound by love, it is known, they are close and "get what you need," corresponds to the natural process. But when the child becomes an adult and continues to be bound and insists on continuing to meet the demand of his parents, arouses the figure of the emotional spouse. The father of the opposite sex to the son is the one who tends to become the same. It is established in addition to the above for reasons such as: comfort, ease and / or the influence of the factors involved in the natural process, which we will explain in the next chapter.

High levels of toxicity in the conjunction of factors in the parents' process, give rise to two attitudes: negligence and overprotection. These behaviors are the main triggers of the degradations that children have. They are the most serious mistakes that a father can make in the formation of his children: they undermine them, resent and conduelen. All of the above, together with a low level of evolution of the child, are the most important cause for emotional spouse training with one of the parents. Both negligence and overprotection are the product of parents' emotional disability to meet their children's Integrity need.