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“A proud man always looks down - with disdain - at things and people; and of course, when you're looking down, you can't see what's on top of you. ”C.S. Lewis
The healthy self esteem It includes the recognition of our virtues and defects, this it implies humility and is a powerful antidote against pernicious pride; Accepting and confronting oneself, without makeup, filters or touch-ups, is an act that requires us to be brave and leave our comfort zone.
Accepting ourselves implies knowing our light side and our shadow part, It is an act of maturity, which can help us prevent relationships that are important to us from breaking down for this reason. "Love," said Dr. Fromm, "is the only satisfactory response to human existence". However, many of us cannot develop our capacities to love on the only level that love really counts, for this one It implies maturity, self-knowledge and courage.
- 1 Are you educating your children as global citizens for peace or as tyrants?
- 2 What is pride?
- 3 How to treat a proud person so as not to wear out the relationship?
- 4 Humility vs. Pride
Are you educating your children as global citizens for peace or as tyrants?
The existential concerns of children they can be many, together with those of parents or guardians; therefore, it is convenient that they be guided so that build a healthy self concept, in which they may be able to recognize both their areas of opportunity and their virtues, we must ensure that these qualities are for their benefit and that of society, not only to brag for being superior, pride is also learned; Do you know how to set limits for your children? Many parents tend to minimize the weaknesses of their children and exorbitantly exalt achievements, thus managing to swell the ego so that it could tend to be a tyrant son.
“The Earth is our home… It is a small stage in a vast cosmic arena. Think of the rivers of blood shed by all those generals and emperors, so that, in glory and triumph, they could become momentary masters of a fraction of a point. Think of the endless cruelties committed by the inhabitants of a place of the point on the barely distinguishable inhabitants of some other part of the point. How frequent their misunderstandings, how eager they are to kill each other, fervent are their hatreds. Our positions, our supposed importance, the illusion that we occupy a privileged position in the universe... there is not a hint that help is coming from somewhere else to save us from ourselves. We depend only on ourselves ... For me, it emphasizes the responsibility we have to treat each other with more kindness and compassion, and to preserve and want that pale blue dot, the only home we have ever known. (Carl Sagan, 1996).
Individuals need to go beyond their interests, Person-centered approaches seek to help develop potentialities and this requires going through a continuous process of new beginnings., giving birth to another person, a different and better version of ourselves.
What is pride?
It is a self-assessment where the person It is considered to be above others, in some or several aspects, which gives it a certain air of being arrogant, arrogant and haughty; thus affecting the quality of their social interactions. Sticking to the philology of the word, there can be no such thing as healthy pride, as this would be a fallacy in itself.
The feeling of satisfaction and joy we experience when we achieve a dream that we thought was chimerical is very different, a goal that we think is unattainable or for which we fight hard; This bliss can be towards something of your own or near and is considered commendable in some sense, such as when a child achieves some recognition for standing out in an area where you know, which was a challenge for everyone, even for you as a father or mother.
Celebrating your successes and those of others with people you appreciate, knowing how to receive compliments and acknowledgments when the occasion warrants it is a healthy thing, a way to reinforce positive behaviors and work as motivation to reach your goals. It is natural to feel joy for our achievements and want to share, after all man is a social being, both altruism and selfishness are common processes in it.
How to treat a proud person so as not to wear out the relationship?
If you are forced to live with a proud person, it is important that you know some keys, so that the relationship you have with him, is the most cordial; especially if it is an inescapable authority figure, in this way you can achieve more empathy with her, reach effective solutions, dialogues and negotiationsWell, it can even be the typical person authoritative, so it is necessary to reach him through the appropriate channel, so that his defenses are not activated and you end up being even attacked with some hurtful comment. For this, it is important that you set your limits diplomatically and learn to breathe and count to 10.
Personal space is something that must be respected with people who tend to be haughty, otherwise there may be problems in relationships with them. Exceeding the limits of personal distance causes a defense response in the brain, it includes two areas that respond to elements that are too close: premotor cortex in the frontal lobe and parietal cortexThat is why when someone or something gets too close there is an instinctive response that is given automatically. Scientists explain that the invasion of personal space, produces a defense response in the brain, so people may feel uncomfortable and in the case of the proud person, they tend to consider it even as an aggression, if it is not a person close to them.
Respecting people's space helps establish healthy personal boundaries. The anthropologist Edward Hall identified different "spheres" to describe that area around a person, that distance ranges between about 50 centimeters and is frequent for close people and friends with those who are in concord; There are different variables that influence the flexibility of our personal space.
It is pertinent to enforce and assert our rights assertively, to indicate to the other when something has hurt our feelings and we need to distance ourselves a little. Well, as the illustrious Mexican Zapotec indigenous, Benito Juarez, said: "Among individuals, as among nations, respect for the rights of others is peace", this lawyer was president of the country, carrying out important reforms for good.
We have to meet and examine our attitudes, to make us respect, to indicate to others with assertiveness and diplomacy when we disagree, when we feel uncomfortable, and we need to change posture, location or even take time and distance. You can do the Self-knowledge test to find out a little more about the most important person in your life: you!
You don't have to tolerate aggressive behavior towards your person constantly, That is why it is important to set limits with kindness from the beginning.
Avoid confrontations when the person is in an altered state where it will not enter into reasons, we have to promote a more collaborative and less competitive culture, We don't always have to win the discussions, have harmony and peace in our social relationships, it will translate into well-being for us. Talking work and academically in greater productivity, group synergy and achievements.
Selfishness is reinforced with the not-so-pleasant experiences of life, however it tends to split like a double-edged sword. Many of these people have a hard time expressing their gratitude, even when they feel it. So do not be discouraged, or take it personally, it has more to do with an inability of them, which can be overcome through humility and personal work.
With this kind of people "You will achieve more with honey than with gall"Speaking with respect, being tolerant and generous can make him reassess his attitudes towards you and change for a more favorable disposition towards you. Being people who generally they like to keep control, take into account asking for your opinion, this will help eliminate some of your defenses and may move further towards your goals, whether family, academic or work.
Many times behind an armor of pride and pride, insecurities and fears are hidden, people who have this characteristic try to protect themselves with an armor that gives them an air of superiority, imposing, for themselves and for the other rigid rules they consider that are the most correct or that are above those around you. With these barriers, the proud person tries to mask their own vulnerability.
However, something that you must be very clear about, to try to understand that fatuous being that sometimes haunts you and can get you out of your mind, is that behind that armor of pride and pride, insecurities, traumas and fears hide; people who have this characteristic try to protect themselves with a breastplate, many of them were mistreated or abused, even from childhood, in one or more ways, so they learned to respond by acting sometimes with their defense mechanisms more primitives, such as denial, for example.
When they manage to acknowledge that they made a mistake, sometimes their pride prevents them from apologizing, which results in a withdrawal that can lead to isolation and loneliness - which is not enjoyed too much -, fracturing and wearing down relationships that were important for “ not wanting to give his arm to twist and appear weak ”, because they are not allowed to be vulnerable at times.
For those characteristic airs of superiority, they try to impose and exert control, for themselves and for others, imposing what they consider to be the most convenient.
Missing the opportunity to reach effective solutions, to feel good and to establish healthy relationships.
Humility vs. Pride
Pride can destroy or wear out relationships, Humility can be the antidote, promotes restorative harmony.
We have to try to be flexible in every way, to promote relationships based on respect and harmony, not allowing exalted emotions to lead to unnecessary friction. It is convenient to try to rationalize the consequences of acting impulsively.
It may interest you: Phrases pride and vanity
Pride becomes very toxic when it is excessive, seeking balance, is always the most advisable for our biopsychosocial well-being. It gives an inability to the person to recognize their own mistakes or to admit them.
When the people who hide behind the armor of pride decide to leave that uncomfortable and rigid area, in which they have created comfort, it is when they can develop more satisfying and happy relationships.
If because of your pride, relationships that were important to you have been worn out or destroyed, try to stay more attentive to your actions, at this precise moment you could be just in time to heal a relationship with someone you value. If you show yourself more open, you try to be tolerant of others and to respect their ideas, uses and customs.
It is very healing for these people to carry out a therapeutic process, to break down those barriers that prevent them from enjoying many pleasant moments, Through the exercise of will, psychoeducation and perseverance, you can learn to respond in a way where your relationships are not affected negatively.
If you have a problem with pride, the psychologists They can help you out of that rigid armor, which ends up being a prison and the body over the years tends to bear the consequences. You can free yourself from that heavy burden and even forgive the person who has tyrannized you most throughout your life: Yourself! When we recognize our weaknesses we are showing strength and that is when people can help us. Remember that the Delphic postulate cited: "Know yourself."
Whatever the situation, we have to observe our interior with the greatest possible objectivity, with love and above all a lot of patience, to be able to discover the burden of the past that we were not able to let go, which prevents us from moving forward. If you improve this aspect you can generate and take advantage of the opportunities that life and harmonious coexistence can offer you, because there is richness in diversity.
- Rogers, Carl. The power of the person, (1980). Mexico. Modern Manual Ed.
- Fromm, Erich. The Art of Loving (1956). USES. Ed. Bantam Books.
- Eisler, Riane. Sacred Pleasure, Vol. II, (1998). Chile. Cuatro Vientos Editorial.